Last Request

Now I lay me down to sleep.

For my bones, do not weep.

 

I do not lay here wanting grief;

In my rest I’ve found relief.

 

No more worrying over day to day affairs;

No more crying over unhappy cares.

 

In the earth I now have peace;

In the quiet all has ceased.

 

All my sorrows are washed away;

No more suffering, no more dismay.

 

Weep not, I say, for what is gone

Look to others, look to your own.

 

Care for those who continue to struggle,

Care for those who cannot juggle

 

The mind’s chess game with them as pawn.

Weep for the living, those who walk alone.

 

Turn your eyes and hands to them,

Let your love be their stem.

 

For it may be their life was spared

Because of you and those who cared

 

To see the pain behind their tears,

Who understood and calmed their fears.

 

Then come the morning and the rising sun

Come to me and say, “Thy will was done.”

 

And I will smile in my sleep

Because you did not weep.

 

*Probably a good idea to not snack too close to bedtime…you know, in case you wake up crying from a dream you can’t remember and the lines to a poem running through your head and neither will let you get back to sleep.

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Matins

What thoughts endeavor to pierce the brain

as we keep watch in the darkling night,

the slumbering stillness

of the breath held

until the stars blink and yawn, stretch,

and fade with the lightening sky.

 

While the earth waits and shadows play games,

visions of past wrongs accuse,

demand justice: atonement or forgiveness,

and peace comes on the horizon

by light or by blood.

 

*Had a completely different poem enter my head but I was caught in the middle of something and couldn’t write it down right away. The only line that I kept was “by light or by blood”. I was thinking of a story I heard about the Crusades, how the men would keep watch in the night before battle and other similar stories. I then had a memory of someone telling me long ago that matins was a version of that (to keep evil from coming in the night) and my brain correlated that with depression. Many is the time I have battled my thoughts in the dark and with the dawn sleep came, and a small semblance of peace. But there were times when, in the darkest point of the night, that I thought I wouldn’t make it. By light or by blood; life or death.

Removing Oneself from the Equation

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Say you never hurt me. Say it again.

Because maybe then, as you say it, it will be true.

Yes, this is how we are now. This is how we’ve always been,

You’ve just ignored your part in the process.

As you said, actions speak louder than words,

and, baby, your actions are a fucking war zone.

Go ahead, say you never hurt me.

The scars on my heart tell a different story.

Find me

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Find me lying
Lying under the snow.
A wishfully-thought peace
Of mind,
Don’t mind
How I go
But I would rather
Foxtrot
Quick! Quick! Quick!
From life, not slow,
For little me
Who never learned to dance
For frightened me
Who never took the chance
For ugly me
Who ne’er accepted love
For stubborn me
Who wouldn’t change enough.
For all my loves
Whose love is just a loss
And finds me lying,
Lying under the snow
Stained dark throughout
And so whiteout
I go
With just one wish:
That I had the gumption
Daring, or even the snow
To accomplish
This.

Freedom from fairytales

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Freedom from fairytales
If all we are is shadows
And stardust waiting to return
We never need fear being
Spellbound
And can revel in the freedom
Of our disenchantment.
No call on us to heed
A single second’s breath
We are alive, we live
So what? Is death
The end of everything
We wished for
Or is it simply
Unbeing? Returning
To the ashes and dirt
We came from
Before we learned
To rub those into our wounds
And make them worse.
Is it release,
When hope and pain are over?
Our breath will cease
To matter to what remains
And those we leave behind
Can take our stories
Find the plot-holes
And leave us in peace.

 

With big thanks to poetry-channel-supreme, Jackie Coiffa, whose poem ‘Shadow People‘ inspired this.