The Drunken Entertainer

Spangled Clown

Get up and clown – it’s my turn in the ring

I’m uncertain how I got here

Yet it’s my job to dance and sing

For all the gawkers who with glassy eyes

Take in the act, react

Their own conclusions to surmise

Put on my face, in painted white and red

But funny drunken stumbles

Mean I use the blue instead

I stumble over words so gracelessly

Look – watch me hit the floor

Roll up! Come in! Admission’s free

For who would charge to see a show so poor

A crumbling clown who cannot

Hold together any more

With incoherent ramblings she tries

“Now look, and see the glitter

As it falls down from her eyes”

Oh watch me tumble, watch me bruise

It’s no injury, if I’m funny – Then I’m entertaining you

Let me roll and rock and break Are you not yet amused?

I’m certain that made up I make

Such a very pretty, dancing thing

Oh shallow clown, keep dancing

Then they cannot see the sting

Glaze their eyes with sparkles in this show

Mask the rage that rises

If they’re laughing, they don’t know

I rip my paper heart to shreds

On stage, like confetti to throw

And tumble upon my audience’s heads

Applaud me now and say you liked my spiel

(May  only one or two comment

“Somehow those tears seemed real”)

In this gaudy ring, your pleasure is my pain

Don’t worry though, and come back soon:

WERE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

The Dumbest Thing

 T’was late at night in VideoChat
(We bloggers know where fun is at)
And just for larks our thoughts did turn
To lessons that in life we’d learned

Further then, and just for fun
We shared the dumbest things we’d done
I told my tale and then right after
All were left quite weak with laughter

I thought I’d better write it here
To share around the Blogosphere
And if you can read without rolling eyes
You’ll win a special little prize

Cause sharing laughter is great fun
And my dumb tale is REALLY dumb
If you’re successful let me know
Down in the comment box below.

When I was just a little kid
So many silly things I did
That through the sieve of mem’ry fell
But this one I remember well

The tale begins (and it’s all true)
With a super-special-awesome shoe
And a bored young girl who thought she’d see
How awesome her new shoes could be

In garden then, begun her thought
(Somehow without what logic taught)
She looked around to find a test
To prove her shoes were just the best

From underneath the garden shed
The perfect thing poked out (she said)
A mouldy oldy wooden plank
In middle of which a nail was sank

What test was there which wouldn’t fail
And used that big, long, rusty nail?
Then she realised what she’d do
She’d fly like superheroes do

And with her new shoes’ awesome might
‘Pon tip of rusty nail alight
And balance there with perfect poise
(With games like this, who needed toys?)

And having balanced, then leap down
And take a bow and turn around
With confidence now tried and true
In the super-powers of her shoe

(You must see where this story leads
And if not, be certain you pay heed
“Stupidity, youth and rusty nail”
The perfect cautionary tale)

She hunkered down, and without care
Sprang up into the glittering air…
This plan was not with logic join’t
And she very quickly got the point

As onto it she swiftly sailed
To land and find her foot impaled
In embarrassment and pain, the wail
“I just hopped on a rusty nail”

Did ere alert her doting aunt
Who ran right out and said “I can’t
BELIEVE this – oh it’s really bad”
And quickly went to fetch her dad

To hospital he took the kid
And told her off for what she did
An x-ray then, was took to see
What sort of damage there might be

Yet in a quite unlikely twist
The important bits had all been missed
But rust had still been in that cut
So she got a tetanus shot in the butt

Home again she was allowed
Her shoes no longer made her proud
For they were wrecked in such a way
They instantly got thrown away

And our girlie was at length berated
For all the trouble she’d created
It was a lesson thoroughly learned;
Forsure I’ve ne’er again been burned

But though my foot was very sore
There was one thing which hurt much more
And it was this – I finally knew
I didn’t have a super-shoe.

Linking up with the Silly on Sunday blog hop

The Ballad of the Redneck Two

Our Bobby-Joe and Betty-Lou
Found they had shopping still to do
Yet still they sat there, quite replete
Chattin’ on Facebook an’ sendin’ Tweets

Til Betty-Lou (who was getting’ cold
And wanted food ‘fore the night grew old)
Said “Bobby-Joe, you move yer ass
An’ we’ll get these groceries done real fast

‘Cause elsewise we’ll run outta time
You KNOW the store’s gon’ close at nine!”
So Bobby-Joe fetched bags galore
And off they went to the Lidl’est store

Yet just gettin’ into their old red car
That Bobby-Joe done grab too fa-
St and the handle stuck. Embarrassed coughs
While Betty-Lou screeched “OH F*** OFF!”

Off they went, still cold and shiverin’
Wishing Lidl did deliverin’
They bickered together the whole way round
But as a team, the items found

The trolley was pushed by Bobby-Joe
Betty-Lou kept the list and so
Eventually, the groceries done
They turned and left (still arguin’ on)

Across the car-park, now quite cloudy
They kept up the loud and rowdy
They jostled and yelled and bums got pinched
Slow but sure they homeward inched

They loaded up from the back of the car
To carry the bags (not very far)
But Betty-Lou ended up with more
In spite of how her feet were sore

Said B-J “I need this hand free
To give me some dexterity
To open the door for you, you hag!”
B-L hit him with her bag

So he chased her up the stairs
Not wondering if the neighbours cared
They screeched and whittered with all their might
There’s nothing like a shopping fight

And yet once they were through the door
They were transformed – became once more
That respectable couple you all know
The reserved and elegant Lizzi and Joe

Once Upon A Rocking Horse

Once upon a rocking-horse
A fairytale run wild
The plotlines got mixed up
For the King and Queen’s one child

Their second child, she didn’t fix
The story back to rights
The King became a dragon
And he ate up all the knights

The firstchild tried to battle on
The second went to bed
The Queen began to fade
As the King so heavily tread

Upon her hopes and fantasies;
Her once beloved dreams
Now lay in tatters, ripped apart
By life’s e’er cruelful schemes

She mustered up and carried on
Her kids began to suffer
The Dragon rampaged on and on
His tactics turning rougher

Yet ne’er enough to warrant
Any kind of intervention
The Queen and childers thought it merely
‘Normal, under tension’

The King built up a wall of thorns
To keep out friends and family
Alone, alone to carry on
Reacting oh-so-violently

For when they came, those blessed few
Would gain a nasty scratch –
A warning ‘Please just stay away:
You’ve truly met your match’

The three were left in company
With that old Dragon so rotten
Who stomped so eagerly on their souls
And selves; their dreams forgotten

Eventually the worn-down three
Escaped the mean old Dragon
And yet the old ways carried on
Their hearts could not yet gladden

The years went by and it transpired
The reason they were broken
They carried each within their soul
A tiny Dragon-y token

The Dragon-poison tainted all
Each thought and feel, like potion
Designed only to undermine;
To pour in bad emotion

But now with that identified
Our dear, intrepid Three
Began to claw their way back from
The pit of misery

The things they had internalised
From being told each day were
“Burden. Unworth. Ugly. Foul.
Vile. Unwanted. Failure.”

But gradually the rocking horse stopped
The floor once more ‘came firm
The grown-up children found that they
Had child-things to learn…

That play’s okay and laughter too,
And love is sometimes safe(ish)
And so they set to re-learn life
To see what they’d accomplish.

They met with varying success
For none were fully healed
But gradually they broke the power
The Dragon used to wield

Their work is still in progress
Their stories not yet finished
Gradually they’re learning to
Enjoy life, undiminished.