A monsterous little tantrum

A Monsterous Little Tantrum

I saw you write your loss, my dear

As though pixels, ink, or words themselves

Would ever be sufficient to contain, convey or confine

The feelings running so deep and guilty within you.

You somehow appear to assume full blame

For rippling worlds and waves which capsize

Yet you can make all the waves you want;

Until someone waves back, and takes their part

Then surely no destruction could be wrought

And without intent, just mutual enjoyment

Then no malice given, just accident

SURELY two people, with full appraisal

And consent, might see fit to fly

Imaginations bound in wonder, words reaching high

Finding ways to reveal the worlds

Or presents, pasts or futures or parallels

Without sanction or judgement

From another, wholly unconnected

With what it meant to write poetry.

For when you find someone

Who makes your words flow easily

Who gets your stanzas unconfused

Who causes your mind to think in rhyme

You know they are, in ways, your muse

And given sufficient time

Such wonderful things could be created

And yet here you are

You, your muse


*   *   *

Yet even as I write

It strikes me

I shall never know the whole story

All I know is that you’re quickly hurt

You love so fast and so intensely

There are some for whom this categorises you

As ‘flirt’, but having seen

A little of your heart

Seems like they just don’t understand

How honourable you are

And how willing (when you make mistakes

Because they happen – to us all) you are to make amends

To fix the roughened edges; heal the breaks

And yet, to see you fall upon your sword

Berate yourself, cut ties, to satisfy

Some unknown person in another world

Who may well be insatiable

And in constant need of being filled

A black-hole for attention

Too damn altogether chilled

Or shut down frozen in their own pain

To get to know you better;

Relax and unwind –

Because to know you

Is to love you,

I find.


Dear Beans

Dark Pit Infertility

Dear Beans

I thought of you

Today, cos


I may – for

Pregnancy and

Infant loss;

Awareness raised

With grief at

Life’s great cost.

Or is it death

Which still

Exacts its dues?

In losing you

I had no chance

To choose, but

lost again, though

Now I can think

That somewhere

In the aether

You have a brother

Each – To care

Whilst I can care

For neither.

Yet my dears

I care so much

And thrilled to

Hope one day

I’d feel your touch

Yet life or fate or

Destiny deemed

Somehow through

Lack of worth, or


That we would

Just have time to

Feel a tiny bit


Before you were

Cut off:

Your lives

(And ours)




For J&S

Always (but never quite) mine

And really real.

I love you ❤