Ineligibly angry

Heart

I miss you.
I fucking miss you.
Angrily, aggressively,
Like wanting to punch the walls
And shout about how much
I’m beginning to forget
Those moments;
The ones
I never thought
Would leave my heart
Yet somehow they’ve become
Faded, distorted, jarred
By the interference
Of the time
In which
We haven’t been.
Couldn’t have been.
And shouldn’t have anyway
Because the real wall-puncher
Is deep-down knowing
I have no right
To miss
You

But I do.
I so miss you.

The shape of you in the corner of my eye
The smile you crack in delight or surprise
Your laugh, your look, your scent, your hair
The waft of smoke in streetlit air and most of all
The feel of you; that quiet, frantic touch
Who knew an inch of skin could hold so much:
So intense and overwhelming, that connection
So stymied and so fraught was our affection, stalled
And time-bombed from the start.
Love’s leaking through
The schrapnel walls
Of my exploded
Heart.

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28 comments on “Ineligibly angry

  1. A says:

    Beautiful!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bobcabkings says:

    A feeling known and so beautifully expressed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bobcabkings says:

    Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
    Lizzi is missing someone.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Damn. Gorgeous and full of the feels. Also, it is my belief that we are always allowed to miss whoever the fuck we want to miss, “allowed” or not so much because who allows us to live and love and miss but ourselves?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lizzi says:

      I guess I’m back to worrying too much about ‘supposed to’, which is something I tell other people not to do.

      I definitely got caught amidst the Feels, though!

      I like your belief. One I might try to adopt.

      Like

  5. After my divorce I was given a book to read by a social worker who had handled my case and the book was about how to parent children of divorce. In it, parents are told that when the child is away at the other parent’s house for a significant amount of time that you should not tell the child at all EVER that you miss them as it will make them feel bad and guilty of being over at the other parent’s place. And I threw the book away.
    It is totally okay to miss people, even people you shouldn’t want to miss but do. It’s okay to tell people, even your child that you miss them (though I don’t think it should be dwelt on long enough-tell the child you miss them so they know you care and move on in the conversation by telling them how great it is they are having fun, etc.) because your heart is NOT stone nor ice. It is a living beating warm part of you and having FEELS and FEELING them is what we are supposed to do. I have been told I “shouldn’t” miss my grandmother so much since she’s been gone for almost three decades now but I do. I don’t miss her as much anymore but I still miss her. I will always miss my dad. And sometimes, but not often, I miss the friendship I had with my ex. I also miss the ‘what could have beens’ that have been in my life. And that’s all ok.
    This poem expresses everything I’ve ever felt when missing someone. So well done for having the Feels and creating this beautifully evocative piece.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lizzi says:

      Wow…thank you for this. That’s such a wonderful response and I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts on missing people. Usually I wouldn’t have a problem missing people, but this just…sucks. This missing. However, I’m coming around to the idea that I have a ‘right’ to feel ‘missing’ because it IS how I feel, and for no other reason.

      The book you got given sounds silly – how upsetting for children not to think that their parent, who loves them, is even bothered by their absence! I’m glad you chucked it.

      As for people who’ve died…geez, you can miss them forever and ever and ever. The intensity of missing lessens, but it’s always there, and should be, because love.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. valj2750 says:

    Your poetry gives me a case of the feels and leaves me with little to say except WOW!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Those “feels” are raw and real and beautifully written. Hang in there. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Peggy Nolan says:

    Loads of raw emotion. Awesome and so fantastic to meet another poet!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Laurie O says:

    Felt that not only in my heart, but in my gut! Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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