No Regrets

Questionable love

Yes, I cried,
And was stung by
How happy you seem to be
How sorted; how fixed
How you’re doing the things you wish you had
Instead of marrying me.

Yes, I cried,
And was thrilled by
How healthy you seem to be
How purposeful; how intentional
How much like the man I first knew; who you’ve returned to
Instead of staying married to me.

Yes, I cried
And was hurt by
How happy we both can be
How broken; how mended
How we’re both in better places and more ourselves
Instead of staying married.

Yes, you cried,
And were maybe affected by
How I let my feelings run free
How I can show them now; how I’m ok too
How we both still want the best for one another
But couldn’t while we were married

Yes, I cried,
And was struck by
How we’re here because of where we’ve been
How good; how catastrophic
How we weren’t enough together and are stronger apart
Instead of being married.

Yes, we cried
And said goodbye.
How glad I am things ended this way.
How sad I am; How, still, I’ve no regrets.
How pleased I am we each still get to try again at life
Instead of staying married.

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10 comments on “No Regrets

  1. opticynicism says:

    I remember how destroyed I was when faced with divorce. I am so much better for it now, a better human being, even. It is a shame I could not see then what I see now. It is disappointing (understatement much) that sometimes in order to see the best, we have to experience the worst. I admire your positivity toward each other. It is not something I received as a result.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lrconsiderer says:

      The thing is, I think that the circumstances under which Husby and I decided to divorce were so, SO very different from anyone else’s I’ve ever heard. I know everyone’s situation is unique, and I get that, but ours really didn’t bear the hallmarks of any marriage dissolution I’ve come across before.

      The first time in many years that we truly worked as a team, was in filling our divorce papers. And our overriding feeling (next to sadness that it hadn’t worked (because no-one goes into marriage INTENDING it not to work out)) was relief. Because it was so toxic to both of us.

      I think I’ve got a great deal out of having lived through that darkness. I wouldn’t have the friends and relationships I have now, through this World Between the Wires, for one thing, because if I had been happy, I would never have reached out into the Blogosphere.

      I’m sorry you were so destroyed but I’m really glad you’re the better for it. I guess it’s true about hindsight being 20/20, but also I think that we’re who we are today BECAUSE (at least in part) of what we’ve been through and how it’s shaped and changed us.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Samara says:

    Please remember how much happier and balanced you are not being married.

    I know it still hurts to see glimpses of who he was, now. And it hurts that he seems happier now.

    But you’ve evolved into a Goddess. And that happened when the marriage ended. 💜💜

    Liked by 2 people

  3. HK Abell says:

    UGH….. These are the same sentiments we’ve been going through all week. It’s a mixed bag of pain and relief.

    Like

  4. Scott says:

    *hugs* *more hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  5. valj2750 says:

    The poem greatly tells of the mixed emotions in a decision, no matter how right mentally, pings at the heart. The line we are better separate than together is very telling. Although there are no regrets, there is caring for the person. When I divorced from my first husband, there were memories that only were only my half, incomplete. Does that make sense?

    Liked by 1 person

    • lrconsiderer says:

      Maybe. I think we always had different outlooks, he and I, so perhaps the memories I have, and the then-me I got upset about, wouldn’t have had those things anyway. Well. She wouldn’t have. We tried for far too long, and know for a FACT that it was just awful. And so now it’s better. But it’s still sad.

      Ergh. Now *I’m* not making sense.

      Like

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