Reject. Refuse. Discard.

No Love Lost

 

Sometimes I don’t know why you even asked.
It’s not as though the world was on your case
Or convention taking you to task
For not yet getting hitched.
Yet ask you did,
And I
Fie!
Said yes,
Because you’re good and kind
And the sort of person who SHOULD
Be utterly, perfectly good to spend some time
To spend a life – with and never without you
But all those plans fell through
Although they were beyond our control
And neither of us was equal to the task
Of getting our shattered lives repaired
But sometimes you say things
Which make me wonder WHY you asked
When so much of what transpired
Was the process of us suffocating
One another – love expired
Exchanged for barely-veiled disdain
Irritation, confusion and that old refrain
In every word and look which slips through the guard
“I don’t want you.
I don’t want you.
Life is hard
And you make it worse.
Now it feels like having asked you was a curse
Designed to poison you and me
We’re doomed to fail, eventually
So let’s aid the process with apathy”
Revulsion, repulsion, rejection

And indeed, why bother?
Why sacrifice yourself on the alter
Of the false idol of marriage
When you don’t even like each other
And everything you had got bleached away
By circumstance and happenstance
And a disinclined lover
Who, somehow, you suspect
Maybe
NEVER
Wanted you.

But then, when you decide
It’s over, then
You learn
It’s true.

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6 comments on “Reject. Refuse. Discard.

  1. Larry says:

    Oh, so you were actually married? You’re such a good storyteller I never know what’s real and what is fiction with you.

    I am sorry if this is true. Sounds like it was very painful for you. I wish I could take away some of that pain.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lrconsiderer says:

      I was. Until a month ago when we split up. This one is mostly real. He did WANT to want me (so he says) but…life and circumstances led to disinclination and expanded an apathy I’m not sure he ever really let go of. STILL. We live and learn, right? Just a case of getting through it now.

      Like

  2. valj2750 says:

    Well, I’m glad you are writing your heart here, Lizzi. I think it’s part of the getting through process. I bet it still feels a little like a sucker punch to the gut, even though it was a positive decision.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lrconsiderer says:

      Yes. And a mutual decision…but yes. It’s been really horrible and given me so much sadness and things to think about. It’s a horrid process. I’m just glad there’s so little animosity really, because trying to deal with that TOO must be nigh on impossible 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sandy Ramsey says:

    Wow. That hurt my heart to read.

    Liked by 1 person

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