It’s morning in my automaton world
Life doesn’t seem to start ’til you’re awake
Dragging by instead in gloaming shadows
My vision greyed, before daybreak
My ridiculous wishing hours
Dreamed away, will come to naught
Every fantasy an act of dumb futility
Designed, dismissed – they need to be forgot
Surveying you with dream-strewn thoughts
What love is this if spangled full of care
Desiring truths but living half in lies
It nonetheless seeks to destroy what’s there
Firsthought of my heart on waking
Last-thought. Everthought. In too deep.
Was this encouraged? Or did I just indulge
The way I sometimes see you in my sleep?
Reality will crash and burn quite soon
I feel the storm, and t’will be no surprise
I must release, let go, let life consume me
Erase the image of you behind my eyes
I know the fix, the purge, the white-hot pain
Of excise, for somehow I must be leaving
Or I’ll come undone, unravelled but
E’en thinking this I find I’m barely breathing.