OctPoWriMo Day 21

65f90-woods Remember when I said I was  going to attempt to be more lighthearted during this OctPoWriMo? Well, that’s still true, just not today. Today I am tired and a re-post

is in order. It’s not one of my lighter pieces, but I’m feeling kinda heavy today… sometimes being honest is more important that being fun.
 

End Stage (After All These Years)

Attempting to breathe in every ounce of energy that flees my ailing body,

Daily I inhale life-

No longer for the desire to live, but solely on instinct.

I am supposed to live.

I am supposed to live because that’s what the brave do-

Because that’s what we tell ourselves—will ourselves to do

Despite the illness, the fatigue, the waiting…

And while I wait,
Razed emotions make futile attempts to emboss themselves upon my soul.

They leave no lasting marks-

They make no impression to stir my withering core-

Yet the body keeps on

Separate but conjoined,

Siamese twins of the psyche, unable to be parted without death of one or both.

The courageous will forge ahead,

Because that’s what they do.

Valiant, heroic—the words of survivorship

I am supposed to live.

I am supposed to live, because that’s what the courageous do.

Time has stolen the desire to live, in exchange for the compulsion to exist.

Among less seasoned survivors

I may appear fearless.

I am simply fatigued. z~

*

***I just read the comments from last time this was posted . I had forgotten how much it upset my friends…in order to avoid that, the following is a disclaimer  that I posted after the original caused a bit of an upset…it still fits.

“…at the risk of castrating my own poem… I hope I didnt worry everyone … just a lousy day… Gloria Gaynor and I have a lot in common.”

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37 comments on “OctPoWriMo Day 21

  1. Sarah says:

    Thinking of you…

    Like

  2. Denise; says:

    (I’ve gone straight to your disclaimer)
    Your sense of duty and responsibility to your readers is commendable Zoe. It is in the nature of clarks to feel the responsibility of making sure “people don’t worry”. Permit me to say that is a little sad. Your words expressed what you felt that day, as it expresses what you are feeling today. My heart is with you. You shouldn’t be the one to be “lifting” another. Supposed to be the other way around:)
    Let rain your feelings – no apologies, no explanations. This is a place of poetry, of “words”, the expression of heart and soul and body.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. dyannedillon says:

    I remember this well from last time. I don’t LIKE it, but I LOVE the way it conveys the pain, the emotions, the fears of being chronically ill.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    I don’t want you to go.

    Like

  5. robinmcmd says:

    Rough days are rough, eh? What a blessing to have an outlet for expression. I’m looking forward to the day when you publish your poetry book!

    Like

    • zoe says:

      And looking to her left she sees another member of the peanut gallery who knows EXACTLY of what she speaks… I am so not into poetry its ridiculous… I know…irony…Maybe denial?

      Like

  6. lrconsiderer says:

    What they all said ❤

    Like

    • zoe says:

      What ? just kidding… Thanks Lizzi… I was looking at comments from the last time…AFTER I posted this I hadnt remembered the response it got… It was a tough one… I wouldn’t have put it up again if I had looked first… oh well…

      Like

      • lrconsiderer says:

        That said though, (kinda like Denise said) – it’s not your responsibility to protect or lift anyone – YOU’RE the one going through this, and we should be lifting YOU 🙂 Anyway, raw poetry is good, and in terms of art provoking a strong response, this one’s stellar.

        Like

        • zoe says:

          Funny when I put on the disclaimer its far less responsibility than self preservation… It keeps the worry comments to a minimum which is where I live (as Denise said so aptly…as a Clark).

          Like

          • lrconsiderer says:

            Works both ways then.

            I’m sorry you’re so tired tho, and I hope that you manage to have a somehow restful day and begin to feel some kind of re-charge *somewhere*.

            Thinking of you x

            Like

  7. christine says:

    So I sat down this morning and thought, “I wonder what fun things Zoe has been writing at the Bards”…
    I remember this poem well. It is a wonderful poem. I just wish it was fiction.

    Hope you are feeling a bit less exhausted today.

    Like

    • zoebyrd says:

      You know , there is more lighthearted stuff later in the stream…just put on your poetry boots and keep going…. thanks for the well wishes… I hope for the same.

      Like

  8. Fida says:

    I really felt this poem. I’ve been there. And those last two lines left a punch. Thank you so much.

    Like

  9. LauraALord says:

    “I am supposed to live because that’s what the brave do-” This line punched me in the gut. But as always, you have a way with words that makes even heartbreak and exhaustion and fear and every dark emotion that plagues us seem beautiful.

    Like

  10. Zoe, to an eternity of friendship-remember, always here.

    Like

  11. Christine says:

    It’s okay to feel bad and have a lousy day. I think we all want to just let go sometimes. Hope tomorrow is better!

    Like

  12. Rod E. Kok says:

    Without knowing the history (and honestly not looking back in your archives), I think this is an absolutely wonderful write. I can relate in that I have heard my wife speak very similarly, always having to be the strong one during a raging battle with cancer. You don’t need to feel bad for posting this, or for upsetting people. Express yourself! Let people know how you are feeling! If anything, feel bad for them because they just don’t get it. Thank you so much for sharing this poem. It ranks way up there on my all time favorite scale. Stay strong!!

    Like

  13. Keep writing and sharing..Much love to you. 🙂

    Like

  14. Although it may seem tragic this is very beautiful. You did an awesome job. Keep writing and being honest.

    http://sellecameron.blogspot.com/2014/10/were-here-octpowrimo2014-day-21.html

    Like

  15. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says:

    OK, I don’t remember this one…did I know you yet? I’m thinking not because I surely would have remembered this.
    Sorry it was a bad day. Sorry I’m late reading this week and didn’t know on Monday. I was preoccupied with a post-food-dye Kidzilla. Not. Pretty.

    Like

    • zoe says:

      oy… how did that happen? You guys are sooo careful! What a bummer! Sorry! ANd no maybe you didnt know me yet or maybe it was cuz it was just part of a poetry blog and we didnt have a big follow in the beginning. Who knows… thanks anyway for today!

      Like

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