This morning a friend drove me to work.
He was tired.
He asked, “How do you do it? I just can’t keep pushing through.”
I haven’t been not tired in twenty years.
“Y’know what helps? Choice… having no choice helps a lot.”
*
There is no extra.
I have enough to keep going.
No more.
***
7:15 AM,
My office at work:
I eat a handful of raisins and walnuts.
I ate yesterday too.
*
I lock the office door, set the alarm on my phone, roll out the yoga mat I keep in the corner.
41 minutes from now, I will emerge from my refuge and step into the morning.
For now, I lie on my stomach and wait for the nausea to pass.
***
I’m not grateful for survival.
I’m grateful for no choice.
I’m grateful for enough to keep going.
I wouldn’t know how to tolerate full stop.
HAPPY 100th POST, JOSIE! 
The Well Tempered Bards 
Brilliant. I feel like cheering. I am on daily chemotherapy and have been for three years. People tell me I am so courageous but what alternative is there when you have no choice. Love each day and keep on keeping on.i love your poem.
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EXACTLY! You sooo get it! People either don’t think of having active treatment this long and underestimate how hard it is or they feel so badly about it they attach heroism to you….. no ones fault. Just frustrating. Good luck to you… thanks for coming over!
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oops I was so excited I forgot to say THANKS! Have a great day!
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It’s amazing what strength can be found in the lack of a choice, isn’t it? This was a fantastic, heartbreaking, but brutally honest read. I’m just going to sit back over here in awe of you for awhile. 🙂
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thanks Laura, dont waste your time on the awe…. go straight to the shock! hahhahahaha…..
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I just spit my coffee. Damnit lol!
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Bet THAT was a shock!!!
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Lmfao
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Do you ever feel like slapping whiners like me? This is so powerful.
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HEY WHINEY!, Only when they call themselves whiney!!! LOL…left you another repost:
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I’m with you Zoe…full speed ahead. People keep asking me “how do you do it?” and I’m not aware that I’m doing anything out of the ordinary.
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EXACTLY! keep going Linda!
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Oh yes Zoe, sometimes having no choice helps a lot! Powerful indeed!
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I get my best stuff done that way! Haha
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Choice and no choice. I like the last for lines. Thank you.
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Thanks Fida!
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I love this so much! It’s so true, having no choice really makes all the difference. It keeps you motivated too. So good!
http://sellecameron.blogspot.com/2014/10/uninspired-octpowrimo2014-day-14.html
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Thanks! Im behind but I just read your post….comments pending but cool stuff!
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The honesty here is deeply moving. Thank you.
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Thank you buddy!
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It’s amazing how most of us go through the same experiences. Have been there done that sounds like a bond among us. Brilliant write Zoe 🙂
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I am always amazed at how NOT unique my situation is.
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My wife and I live this, and have for over 5 years. When cancer invaded her, and all the choices we made led to treatments, surgeries, recoveries…her line was that she had no choice. She just did it. The strongest woman I know taught me that lesson. Thank you for sharing this most beautiful poem!
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Thank you! And best to you both!
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Last time I said something nice about something like this, you poked your tongue out and said rude things loudly in my ear. And spat a little (as I recall).
So I won’t.
But I did march x
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Oh you thought it . Was something you said? I do that ALL the time! Pfffft…
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🙂
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*blows a BIIIIIIIG SQUELCHY RASPBERRRY AT YOU* THHHHPPPPBBBBBPPPPTTTTTT!!!!
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ZERBURT…. not to be confused with SCHNOOKERED!
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YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY SCHNOOKERED
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Long may you have no choice but to soldier on.
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Thank you kind sir!:)
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This is one of the most powerfully honest pieces you have written. You keep going because it is a necessity, not a matter of choice. I have spoken with people about that same reality before. We can crawl into the corner or under the table and remain there until we turn to dust, or we can get up and keep going, and as far as I’m concerned, we must do that, there is no choice. I respect you greatly for doing it, for not giving in or giving up. Thank you for sharing with us on this special Two Shoes Tuesday!
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Thanks Josie. You totally get it.
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Zoe, I loved this. How do I contact you outside of this blog? Facebook? Email? Probably not a pigeon. It wouldn’t make it that far.
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Oh but think a Hawaiian pigeon! Little grass skirt….
Sent you an email! 🙂
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Hmm…yes, amazing what one can do when there is no choice involved. I definitely see where you came from on this one, but I also read this through the lens of having to stay on somewhere I didn’t want to be. Not a story for here – offline, perhaps.
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No choice sometimes makes the choosing so much easier yes?
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Powerful.
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Thanks Patricia!
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I like your “choice” story, Zoe. For a bit I wasn’t sure that was the word so I checked the list. Sure enough. Good job.
BTW, I’m retired now, but when I wasn’t I always took an early 8:30 class to get me going. I am a night person, mornings are the pits.
..
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JIM! I havent seen you in a while! Thanks for coming over! Hope you are well!
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