I slipped over another edge

I'll coat myself in metal

Did you really look at me?

With your head on one side

And decide we weren’t meant to be?

Did you just enjoy the free trial?

The bit of me I gave you

Which you used for a while

Before you left

Me behind?

 

Perhaps there wasn’t enough to me?

Was there something found wanting

In my friendship vocabulary?

I know I’m not user-friendly

But my beta-tested heart

Has been turned into a reliquary

For the jetsam

You left in my mind.

 

I slipped and fell over a-nother edge.

I tried to climb back on it,

But it’s hard to be bothered

When I think you’d just rather forget

All the times that we had,

And the things that we shared,

And what we thought they meant…

 

Should I just step aside?

Cos when you say that you choose me

Sometimes it feels like you lied.

Or should I trust what you’ve said

And accept that all the rest

Is just white noise in my head

And for destruction

Designed?

 

Somehow I just can’t accept

You didn’t tie the strings

And that our friendship was kept

With all the everything above the board

I’m a loser; a chooser

But I won’t be ignored

So shall I let

It all slide?

 

I slipped and fell over a-nother edge.

I tried to climb back on it,

But it’s hard to be bothered

When I think you’d just rather forget

All the times that we had,

And the things that we shared,

And what we thought they meant…

 

Have you let go of my heart?

Did you ever want the glitter

That it shook from the start?

If there’s anything you want to annul

Just let me raise my shield:

I’ll coat myself in metal

Spread my wings

To the skies

 

I see you around the place

I hear a whisper of your voice

But I never see your face

I’m not your priority

But I know *I* pay attention

To the ones who mean most to me

What can I

Surmise?

 

I slipped and fell over a-nother edge.

I tried to climb back on it,

But it’s hard to be bothered

When I think you’d just rather forget

All the times that we had,

And the things that we shared,

And what we thought they meant…

 

00OctPoWriMo

I borrowed the rhythm from my new favourite song, which I fell in love with today, after Helena Hann-Basquiat suggested it sounded like T-Rex…

The inspiration was from a dose of that awful FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) feeling, and the fact that I get jealous *very* easily. Too easily. It’s not good for me. Fortunately some people have a sixth sense and manage to mitigate some of it. I’m lucky. And as yet unshielded.

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30 comments on “I slipped over another edge

  1. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have had friendships/relationships that left me permanently puzzled as to what transpired. I remember the wonderful things shared, and I am at a loss to explain why the time came when everything felt different, fractured, dissected, abstract. I mourn them still. I hope that your feelings are indeed due to those inner voices of doubt, and that the reality is something much nicer. HUGS

    Liked by 1 person

    • lrconsiderer says:

      Well, it’s a collection of different occasions where I feel sidelined or overlooked or….otherwise’d but I *know* that it’s mostly me being silly and panicky. I’ve been TOLD, even by the people I feel shaky around…I just need to trust them πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. serins says:

    Wow’s this is like something from my own heart…. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. valj2750 says:

    Lizzie, I feel you writing about that relationship you lost recently, but I also feel you writing about lost love. You could put the words to music.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lrconsiderer says:

      The words ARE to music. And actually, that broken friendship is NOT the one I wrote about here. I wondered if anyone would think it was. That one (it turns out) I’m well shot of πŸ˜‰

      Like

  5. Twindaddy says:

    I get this. And my shields are up, at the moment.

    Like

  6. Linda Kay says:

    Very disconcerting doubting a relationship, wondering where it went. I’m currently struggling with the attitude of a neighbor, and don’t know what it’s all about. However, knowing that I have done nothing wrong to her, I have to assume she has an issue inside herself. I don’t ever think it pays to have to work really hard at a friendship. If it doesn’t feel mutual, maybe it’s time to move on and just savor good memories.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lrconsiderer says:

      I think it’s just busy-ness. I get the odd moment of encouragement from time to time. Like proper encouragement – like it’s all alright, just life’s in the way. *sigh*

      I’m not giving up yet. Not on this one. Too important.

      Also I’m very good at getting my nose out of joint VERY quickly, and making things about me which have NOTHING to do with me. So there’s that.

      Sorry you’re struggling 😦

      Like

  7. Michelle says:

    Daaaamn…I love this…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. zoebyrd says:

    You called it….awesome song and inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nice. πŸ™‚
    Reads like a rock song. It’s probably worth putting the words to music.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I know this feeling. I don’t like it but I can’t change the people who make me feel like this, or have made me feel this way in the past. In the end, it is their loss to have left me behind. I replace them with new friends.

    Liked by 1 person

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