Vultures

Circling
Dark words on wings
Cruising in to strafe and batter
Propelling me to my knees
In the dirt
Hassling, hassling, screaming at me
Pointing out my flaws
With embedded talons
Ripping my inner self
To shreds
Those dark words

Stumbling
I see the light of your care
Like a temple woven of golden threads
A fortress of calm and beauty and kindness
In a landscape of bleak and cutting self-absorbtion
And I quaver, stilled
Wanting more than anything to reach out
Adoring you for the Good you offer so freely
Wishing I could accept
Wishing I was worthy
Pouring blessings on your sweetness
And knowing that your good opinion of me
Is insufficient to Make It So.

For in the light, you would see
The foulness that besmirches all of me
The ugliness that I in darkness hide
The pathetic mess I tuck away inside
Behind the mask
And yet your kindness would unveil me
So I stay
Beset by vultures
On my knees in the dark
And crying,
Crawl away.

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14 comments on “Vultures

  1. Zoe Byrd says:

    Ah my friend…. As poetry it is quite beautiful and communicates all you feel and need to say…may I suggest your continue?
    “…Until I am victorious! Vultures vanquished by a core of inner strength, hidden for years to none but me….”

    Just cuz you feel it doesnt make it the truth! Listen to those other folks, woman! Listen and accept what you dont like to hear about who you REALLY are… dont have to like it… accept and it will get easier… everything will get easier…except when its difficult, but you can handle that….Youve done it before, there's proof… again with the L word…me

    Like

  2. Lizzi R says:

    Ironically, (I'm sure you read the 'room of my heart' one, didn't you?) I find the imagery of purging those words with a knife much easier to contemplate and engage with, than of allowing myself to step into the warmth of someone's compliment/care.

    Except when it comes to writing, when I get such a big head I practically stroll into the whatever temple of their golden loveliness and scent-mark all over it.

    (ACK! I'll try…juuuuuust. Okay, so if I'm told “Other people's opinion of me is none of my business”, and I know that my opinion of me is WAY skewed, and also am told not to rely on the opinion of others to build my own reflection…I SO don't know which way to turn to get a clear picture)

    Like

  3. Zoe Byrd says:

    how could you know being pulled in so many directions. Perhaps your view is skewed because you're taking too many opinions instead of looking at the evidence of the truth….just a thought

    Like

  4. Lizzi R says:

    Evidence.

    Worth thinking on.

    Just read your piece chez Sandy. It's INCREDIBLE and so powerful. And I have to say, THANK YOU for being so extraordinarily generous as to talk me through this petty crapola when you have, you know, Actual Things of the Heart in your life and mine's all tied up in dumbass knots.

    Like

  5. Zoe Byrd says:

    Stoooooooopppppp it! Everyones crap is relative yes? Let me answer that for you…yes! Haha!

    Like

  6. Lizzi R says:

    Yeah alright – I could've (should've) told myself that one. I just feel as though mine's a little bit “My pony got sick, my wallet's too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight…”

    Like

  7. Zoe Byrd says:

    shit! You have 50's and you didn't tell me?

    Like

  8. Lizzi R says:

    And diamond shoes, yo! But it's alright cos I got a little yacht when the pony was sick and now I only have jingly change 😉

    Like

  9. Zoe Byrd says:

    Ouch ouch ouch!!!! Stomach hurts… laughing too hard!!!!! Breathe. Breathe!!! GASP!

    Like

  10. Lizzi R says:

    Oh hush, you XD

    Like

  11. psychochef says:

    Lizzi, I love your language in this piece. Especially this part: “Stumbling / I see the light of your care /
    / Like a temple woven of golden threads / A fortress of calm and beauty and kindness / In a landscape of bleak and cutting self-absorbtion / And I quaver, stilled” – Powerful, and very relatable. Karen

    Like

  12. Lizzi R says:

    Thanks Karen. I think it's unfortunately more relatable than I'd prefer *sigh* – it's kind of sucky how many people could identify with this.

    Like

  13. Hastywords says:

    Wow I can see the face of so many women in this imagery. Beautiful….truly!

    Like

  14. Lizzi R says:

    We're better at 'worthless' than we care to admit, collectively.

    Like

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